Desperation
by liebedero
Summary: "Some days," he had said, I just feel like pitching myself off the Astronomy Tower," That night, he almost did, and Astoria fears for Draco's life. Set during HBP little DracoxAstoria insert. Rated T for attempted suicide


"_Some days I feel as though I'll pitch myself off the astronomy tower…"_

* * *

Astoria didn't know Draco that well, only a little, and it wasn't as though her sister, Daphne didn't know him well enough. Pansy stilled fawned all over him, and still continued to do so, acting as a spurned lover. It was just too obvious – Draco hadn't a care for anyone or anything any longer. He was quiet and depressed, doing nothing and saying nothing. His grades were dropping, his usually pale complexion was wan and the circles under his eyes had darkened, and with them his mood.

His words on the train had seemed so far flung. But now… Astoria was worried. Often Astoria would hear Daphne and Pansy crooning, "Poor Draco," but only Astoria really suspected. She had seen him when he was alone. She had seen him wince in pain, clasp his forearm… He was motivated by a ghost force, nothing tangible, but it still pained him.

The Dark Lord. Oh, yes, she knew, Astoria knew. Ravenclaw or not, Astoria was sure of Draco's predicament. Her own parents were scared, and she knew, even Daphne was not completely oblivious. But Draco… he was stuck in the middle of it all, and he only seemed to have thought of one way out…

* * *

"Have you seen Draco?" Astoria fairly flew up to her elder sister, biting her lower lip. Daphne stood regal and proud off to the side speaking with Blaise. He was always one with an unaffected manner, never here no there, and cared little for anyone but himself.

"Haven't seen him since dinner, but why should you care to know?" Daphne's brow rose at Astoria's hurried manner.

"Have to ask him something, that's all,"

"Well he enjoys spending his evenings up at the Astronomy Tower looking down and contemplating whatever it is that has so gotten to him!" Pansy had come up from behind and flopped herself listlessly down onto the futon. "He hasn't come to talk to me since beginning of the year. He hardly speaks to anyone anymore, goodness knows why," she rolled her eyes in such a manner as to brush him off, but Astoria could tell that the snooty girl was hurt. She and Draco, well she at least had followed Draco everywhere.

Astoria didn't reply. She left – much more slowly than she had come – and carefully made her way up the winding stair to the Astronomy Tower. There he stood. His black suit faded into the darkness, but his stark face and white-blonde hair stood out exceedingly in the black night. The wind blew very little, just enough to ruffle his hair, and then calmed slowly, halting and leaving the tall and brooding teen in the still silence of night.

* * *

She watched him carefully – he was motionless and solemn – for just one minute. Then she would go to him. No protest on his part. Draco _needed_ to talk to someone… she took one more slow and muffled step. And the she was racing towards him as time stood on axis and he stood on the edge, one foot off, ready to speed down unhindered-

"NO!" It was her strangled cry that sent him just over, too startled to catch his balance. No scream tore from his lips as she raced to stop his decent with a spell, and she waited for it, but it never came; just a grunt of effort and the slight scuffle of hands and fabric and nails on roughhewn stone.

"Well, if you were so intent upon stopping me then I suggest you help me back up, why don't you?" His voice was tinged with the efforts he made to hold himself up, losing the airs which it usually held. Astoria breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't fallen to his death. Her heart thudded loudly against her chest as she stuck the wand back into her pocket and grasped his forearms – he winced – and braced herself as he hauled himself back into the tower.

When he had finally gotten back over, she buckled under the intensity of it all, and they collapsed on the stone floor, breathing heavily and saying nothing. Time started again in its turning and the wind teased at their hair and clothes a little as they slowly allowed the tension to recede from their bodies.

She turned her head to look at him, to study the face of Draco Malfoy, to see if she could understand without words why he felt the need to kill himself. He lay on the cold flagstones, chest heaving with breaths he never thought he would take again, eyes closed in a reverie, panting a little from the exhilaration of the almost fall. He was as pale as she had ever seen him, and if not for his ragged breathing, Astoria would have thought him dead.

Draco's thin lips parted slightly as his breathing slowed and his deadened eyes opened unseeing, staring into the blackness above him. "I don't know who you are, it's too dark to tell," he began in an offhand way, not turning his head to look at her. Just staring. "I don't know why you were here, now of all times, and I don't care, nothing really matters to me anymore as I'm sure you have obviously guessed by now,"

Astoria didn't reply. She only watched him as his lifeless eyes gleamed in disaffected memory. "I just want it to end," there was a long and empty paused. "He's controlling me you know," The last words were whispered so perfectly quiet, and so filled with fear that Astoria knew he had truly given up all hope. To tell a faceless stranger that he, Draco Malfoy, was in the service of the Dark Lord…

"He's going to kill me," there was a new sound in his voice now. Not fear, nor hatred; just pure acceptance. "I'm going to die anyways, so why not off myself now?" The acceptance was tinged with unaltered hatred, and Draco pushed himself up onto his elbows, and further yet, brushing off his suit coat and pants as he stood, eyes gleaming.

"It isn't as if I haven't tried before you know. To kill myself. I come up here every night and wonder, is tonight the night? Have I gone so far past hopeless that it'll all finally be over tonight? Or will I have to wait one more _excruciating _day of this?" he spat out the words, damning his very existence, not bothering to move from the spot where he stood, hardly even talking to his faceless saviour, forgetting she was there.

Astoria stood too, next to Draco, and in his oblivion he didn't notice her presence, so she thought. He whirled to face her, silent tears awash down his pale face, eyes gleaming façade broken. "Why would you save me?" he demanded with force, his strong hand and long thin fingers gripping Astoria shoulders, half for support, and half in desperation. "Why would you save me?"

Tears coursed down her own crystalline checks, cold and pale in the wintery morning air as he held her firmly in his piercing gaze, eyes red and glassy, the strength of his grip leaving ghost bruises on her arm. Astoria drew shaking breaths, and closed her eyes to his demanding and desperate face. "Because no one should feel as though they have to die," sobs wracked her tired body and she sank to the ground as Draco released his hold on her. Her eyes flew open, and she could see his face buried in his hands, watching as he gulped in the crisp morning air.

"Go away Greengrass, just go. And don't you _dare _tell anyone about this," he glared at her, looking up from his sorrows just before he drowned in them. "Please Astoria,"

"I see you sometimes. I see you alone. Sometimes you grasp your forearm, it looks like it hurts. I'm not the only one of us who sees you know. I'm sorry for you. Whatever it is that _he_ has asked you to do; I hope that you don't succeed, in spite of yourself. You don't want this – I can tell it. Whatever it is that you choose to do…just be careful…Draco,"

They were both standing once more, enveloped in the matte sky, little winking stars casting their light everywhere but on the two standing solemn and isolated on the desolate tower. He was taller than her, almost a head, but she leaned into him, taking his hands and tilted her head up. Gently and slowly she pressed a kiss to his cheek, all hints of rosy life gone out of him. Her hands left his grasp and she hurried away back down the spiraling stair, leaving Draco to stand, eyelids flickering shut, hands shaking, dissolving into near silent tears once more.


End file.
